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4.3.2. The Transformed Self and the User Self
The consequence of the drug use was the development of the ,,transformed
self”, but this separate from the ,,user self”. The experiences of the ,,trans¬
formed self”, which were paranoia and uncontrolled behaviors, became ap¬
parent when they didn’t use the drug, so they felt compelled to more drug
consumption. As such, the ,,user self” tried to protect the user from the
strange ,,transformed self”.
„I was afraid that if I didn't smoke again, my aggressive self would come out”
Participants expressed their vulnerability through personified characterization
of the SCs, highlighting that they were unable to resist it. This also became
apparent when they used externalizing explanations in connection with their
bodies and their psyches: „I had to smoke it, because my body demanded it”,
„my psyche needed it”.
Participants in this study, who were abstinent for at least 1 month at the
time of the interviews, presented their drug use and addiction like things in
the past. They perceived that their self was temporarily influenced negatively
by SCs, but after they gave up using it they didn’t perceive the „transformed
self” any longer.
„It was really hard to come out from this... Iwouldn’t say Iwas a bad person, but
it is hard to believe how I was capable ofthese things... now I am trying to ignore
them?
4.4. DISCUSSION
The aim of our study was to examine the identity formation of SC users and
to assess how this fits into what we know about the identity work of psychoac¬
tive substance users in recovery. The analysis resulted in two master themes
that represent participants’ interpretations of the impact of SC use on self and
identity perception: 1. The impact of SC use experience on self and identity
formation, and 2. The transformed self and the user self. The identity work
of SC users differs from the identity work of users of other drugs that we have
seen previously in IPA studies. The experiences of SC users are similar to
some aspects of traumatic experiences; therefore, our results can be inter¬
preted in the theoretical framework of traumatic experience. Due to the break¬
down of the self, the emptying of self, self-disgust, and broken narratives were
reported by both SC users and trauma survivors (Ehlers, Mayou, & Bryant,
1998; A. Ehlers & Clark, 2000; Herman, 2003; Pintér, 2014). As such, the