Oldal 63 [63]
4. USING INTERPRETATIVE PHENOMENOLOGICAL ANALYSIS ® 61
»lt is totally destroys... how can I say... totally destroys your soul... like if I was
only a body, nothing else... I have never met a kind of drug that causes such an
addiction, even though I have tried a lot of drugs, I have tried almost everything...
but this is very different... it totally destroys you”
Parallel with the alteration of experiences from positive to negative, partici¬
pants became asocial, by which they meant a reduction of social relationships
and a disinterest in everyday life.
»l was wallowing in self-pity, I was alone, I hated everyone, I didn't care about
anybody.”
,suddenly I realized that I exterminated everyone around me, and I exterminated
myself inside”
»It turns you inward, you eradicate every relationship with the ones you love.”
Participants described the experience of addiction by saying that the drug
directed and transformed them, because the only thing they could think about
was the drug and they perceived their SCs use as compulsive.
»iou became jaded, tired, like you didn’t know anything about yourself, your body
desires the drug so much, so you smoke more. You do know that it is not good,
but it is more tempting, it is not good, but you smoke it compulsively.”
Due to the transformative effect of SCs, users felt that the drug controlled
them and altered their self. They often referred to their selves that it wasn’t
them anymore, because the drug gave them a negative self-image. They per¬
ceived an asocial, fake, self-destructive and transformed self, and they felt
disgusted by it.
s] felt disgust...I looked into the mirror, I watched myself, I hated myself, I watched
myself, and I just kept smoking”
„Ihe drug distorted my personality... it blunts and numbs the brain, it turns off
your mind...it destroys your relationships, you give up school and your girlfriend.
In the end I was ashamed and I hated myself?