Page 166 [166]
JUDIT NAGY
would not have occurred: "Was I selfish to want to live by my standards?
To strive to be happy and fulfilled? After all, wasnt that the Canadian
way?”” The rhetorical questions she poses are indicative of her independent¬
interdependent dilemma: her aspirations at independent self-disclosure come
with a sense of guilt.
At the same time, responding in the interdependent manner, she does
acknowledge the sense in her mother’s advice whenever she brings up the
issue of marrying a Korean man: “Although I was always silent, I hated when
she talked this way because part of me knew she was right.”*°
What is more, when Mary/Yu-Rhee explains to her high school teacher and
chosen date, Mr. Allen that she will study at the University of Toronto due to
her job at the family store, he responds, “It’s your life, Mary,”*! But instead of
taking his advice, Mary/Yu-Rhee defends her family:
What a typical white comment to make. He had no idea. If it were anybody else,
I wouldn't feel the need to explain.
“You have no idea how hard my parents work. I owe them everything. Unless you
own a store, you can’t imagine what a burden it is.” My defensiveness surprised me,
yet I was too embarrassed to share what sometimes happened at the store.”
Again, when Mary/Yu-Rhee Canadian friend Erin’s criticises Arabic and Asian
girls for not acting on individual preferences regarding issues of marriage,
Mary/Yu-Rhee becomes defensive:
Erin: “You're like trained animals. Even with your cages unlocked, you refuse to
escape.”
Mary/Yu-Rhee: “I knew it would be impossible for her to understand the chains
that kept immigrant girls, especially Asian ones, in place, but I was still irritated.”*
Mary/Yu-Rhee’s irritation results from her recognition of her ‘in-between’
position regarding self-disclosure: she does not feel fully comfortable either
with free choice or with conformism, as represented by Erin’s cultural context
and her own cultural traditions, respectively.
29 Ibid., 248.
30 Ibid., 23.
31 Ibid., 86.
32 Ibid., 87.
33° Ibid, 135.
* 164 +