Oldal 64 [64]
OCR
62 = USING INTERPRETATIVE PHENOMENOLOGICAL ANALYSIS 4.3.2. The Transformed Self and the User Self The consequence of the drug use was the development of the ,,transformed self”, but this separate from the ,,user self”. The experiences of the ,,transformed self”, which were paranoia and uncontrolled behaviors, became apparent when they didn’t use the drug, so they felt compelled to more drug consumption. As such, the ,,user self” tried to protect the user from the strange ,,transformed self”. „I was afraid that if I didn't smoke again, my aggressive self would come out” Participants expressed their vulnerability through personified characterization of the SCs, highlighting that they were unable to resist it. This also became apparent when they used externalizing explanations in connection with their bodies and their psyches: „I had to smoke it, because my body demanded it”, „my psyche needed it”. Participants in this study, who were abstinent for at least 1 month at the time of the interviews, presented their drug use and addiction like things in the past. They perceived that their self was temporarily influenced negatively by SCs, but after they gave up using it they didn’t perceive the „transformed self” any longer. „It was really hard to come out from this... Iwouldn’t say Iwas a bad person, but it is hard to believe how I was capable ofthese things... now I am trying to ignore them? 4.4. DISCUSSION The aim of our study was to examine the identity formation of SC users and to assess how this fits into what we know about the identity work of psychoactive substance users in recovery. The analysis resulted in two master themes that represent participants’ interpretations of the impact of SC use on self and identity perception: 1. The impact of SC use experience on self and identity formation, and 2. The transformed self and the user self. The identity work of SC users differs from the identity work of users of other drugs that we have seen previously in IPA studies. The experiences of SC users are similar to some aspects of traumatic experiences; therefore, our results can be interpreted in the theoretical framework of traumatic experience. Due to the breakdown of the self, the emptying of self, self-disgust, and broken narratives were reported by both SC users and trauma survivors (Ehlers, Mayou, & Bryant, 1998; A. Ehlers & Clark, 2000; Herman, 2003; Pintér, 2014). As such, the
