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JUDIT NAGY or reguire consistency between ones internal attributes and ones actions. In fact, such consistency may reflect lack of flexibility or can be considered immature.””! This entails restraint of the inner sense and susceptibility to social influence out of tactfulness and social sensitivity rather than conformism. Conflict management Following closely from the previous three points, the fourth notable difference between the two types of construal lies in their management of conflict. Independent self-construal is characterized by the individual’s tendency to confront the problem or the person causing it, which, in terms of malefemale relationships may involve the open discussion of intimate issues with partners. However, in the case of the interdependent self-construal, Kim enumerates the following strategies of dealing with conflict: 1) anticipatory management/prevention, 2) non-communication (ignorance/silence) as a means of expressing anger or frustration, 3) pretending harmony in front of others (situational code-switching), 4) using a go-between to help settle the conflict (triadic management), 5) self-aggression/intro-punitive behavior.” Regarding male-female relationships specifically, Kim also adds that “collectivists tend to use the ‘flight’ or ‘exit’? approach to manage relational issues in romantic conflict situations [... and... ] to control revealing their own feelings and voicing their own opinions to their partners.””? Deceptive communication The motives behind deceptive communication constitute the fifth difference between the two construal types relevant to our analysis. In the case of interdependent self-construal, prevarication serves the purpose of either helping the person reach their goals and/or keeping an issue private — sometimes even at the expense of self-expression — whereas, in the case of the interdependent self-construal, it is often a service to the community helping others to save face and thereby preserve harmony. a Ibid., 80. 2 Ibid., 63-64. 3 Integrative conflict communication style, avoidance of conflict, passive compliance, “discreet and moderate communication modes in managing intimate issues” (Kim 63) and being able to read the other person’s mind to know what he/she is thinking/feeling are also mentioned by Kim as characteristic of the interdependent self-construal. Such behavior may also have some benefits such as “the greater understanding of shared perspectives, expectations and intimacy” (62) even though at other times it may be “interpersonally embarrassing, distressing, with the potential of humiliation and loss of face” (63). Moreover, Galvin and Brommel (1986) state that “most conflict that is avoided leaves nagging tensions unresolved, creates a climate ripe for future overt destructive conflict, and fosters separation among family members” (qtd in Kim 2002, 61). * 162 +
